I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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