Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Randomize
