I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
This toilet bowl is my home.
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