it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Randomize
