Whod you bang
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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