My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
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