I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
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