my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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