I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Randomize
