You're so nebulous sometimes
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
