just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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