I hate all girls vehemently.
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
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