I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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