can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
