doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
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