i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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