im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Randomize