I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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