We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
