Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
