I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Randomize
