we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
