Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
