you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
