im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Acid is not a monday night drug
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Randomize
