Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize