So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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