meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
