I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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