I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
