I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize