My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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