ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
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