believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
