Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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