We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
