Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
