i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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