If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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