The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Randomize
