Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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