Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
