The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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