eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
