i think my mom watched the whole time
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Randomize
