I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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