Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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