How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Randomize
