I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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