did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
