If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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