I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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