How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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