so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
