Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Randomize
