New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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