The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
