I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
