remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Randomize
