She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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