What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Randomize
