I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
