Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
