my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
