I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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