I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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